Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
