In the future we'll all be gay
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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