No more Irish car bombs ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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