you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize