just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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