butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
