I don't think brook has ever known best
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
