So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
