I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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