So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
