um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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