All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
