Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
