Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
