My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i will never coherently bang her
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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