So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
