he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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