Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
