so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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