Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
