omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
