you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
