apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
