Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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