That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize