Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
