I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
