Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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