Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
