i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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