your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
