new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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