similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
