There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
