I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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