I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
