Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
