guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
