I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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