just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
