Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize