Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize