You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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