someone threw a dead crab at me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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