I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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