Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
