some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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