Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
