k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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