Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
