oh god the rape fog is back!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
