did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I understand Curling. That high.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
