We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
