You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
