you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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