I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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