She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
