Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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