We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize