Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
