i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
