I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
