I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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