How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
