I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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