Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
