Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
