Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
