i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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