Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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