Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
