Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
