Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize