Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
