I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize