My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
