you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
