No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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