"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
