She said her name was "party"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wish there were birth control emojis
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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