yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
