Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
