Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
