my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
