Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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