my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
