if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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