Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Randomize
