Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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