May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
