It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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