My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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