Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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