Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
