There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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