Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
