Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
