How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
