soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
