i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
