Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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